Tuesday, January 11, 2005

sadness

I'm wondering how appropriate this is to write about on a website. I'm wondering, and yet it doesn't really matter. I need to get this incredible load off my chest. On Thanksgiving we found out that we were going to have a baby, yesterday we found out that we aren't. It has been a long weekend of wondering and waiting, and now we know. We are sad. We are so sad because this baby is something that we have wanted so very badly. This isn't something that will just go away because "it wasn't meant to be". It was a part of our new dream life... Come home from Japan, spend time with the people we love, work in jobs that make us happy, buy a house, make it our home, have a baby... The last part will have to wait a while. Not because we want it that way, but because of statistics and things that I'm told are beyond my control. It hurts me deeply to know that Zander is hurting, and I drive myself a little crazy wondering what I can do to wipe it away. I'm learning from him though. He doesn't try to wipe it away, he kisses, and scratches, and smiles, and asks, and feels, and then kisses some more, and yes, already the hurting is fading, the tiniest little bit. I think it is human nature to see the bounty of what you have when you are faced with what is lost. Thank you dear ones for being so very dear.

6 comments:

Melissa said...

I am sorry to hear your sad news. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Love Melissa

Leigh-Anne said...

I am so very sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you both. Please know that I am around if you need anything.
-LA

emily said...

joolie - so sorry about this news. don't worry about what's appropriate for a blog, whatever you want is appropriate! and i think it is good to be so open about everything that way it is even easier for everyone to show you how much we care! i normally don't open up and share my feelings very much and last year i did for like the first time and i was surprised that it actually made me feel better.

love ya!!!!!!!!!

-em

Mom said...

What words can I say? It makes me so sad to see you (both) hurting.We'll all feel this huge loss and eventually move on. For now I love you, MOM

Beth said...

My heart goes out to you both, I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I just want you to know my thoughts are with you. I'm here if you ever want to talk or just "be".

Love ya,

Beth

Anonymous said...

I've been through the same thing and it does get better. We ended up adopting a beautiful baby girl who is so full of life with such a fun personality.