Saturday, June 18, 2005

Strangeness in the Night

Yesterday morning I made my way outside, in my robe, to sit on the steps and drink some coffee. That sounds much nicer than what I was really going out there to do... There's been an ugly, bashed up mini-van with the windows rolled down, all the seats totally reclined, sitting outside our house for about a week, and I went outside to see the license plate so I could call the cops. The sheriff's office said that it hasn't been stolen, but I could have it towed if I considered it an eye-sore. Well, I don't want to cause any problems for anyone, so I just told him to put it on file that I think something weird is going on with that van. He was a bit patronizing, but agreed. Anyway, as I was coming back in the house, I noticed a 12 sided dice, some strange pictures (one dated Jan 1979), and a stretchy Santa on our steps. How I missed these on the way out, I'll never know! Anyway, the dice is awesome. "Think or Thwim," "Live off the Fat of the Land Join a Slimmer's Club," "Wishing won't make it Well," "As you Sow so shall you Mow," just to name a few sides. At first I thought the van and the stairway gifts were somehow related. Maybe the driver is leaving me clues and needs me to rescue him??? Ok, maybe not.

Boo is on the case. Together we'll get to the bottom of (drumroll please).......The Mystery of Who Left the Weird Stuff on our Front Steps


Ugly Juice said...

Julie, I noticed that van when I came over to water your plants last weekend. I was really torn about whether I should do something about it, because there were also people inside it, the side door was open, they were lounging on the reclined seats and playing music. I didn't want to call you and worry you, and I didn't know if it really was something to worry about. I met your neighbor and he mentioned he was keeping an eye on your place, so I decided to leave it in his hands.

Anyhoo, about the strange items. I myself found a kelly green clay death mask with a red sticky-out tongue and bugs crawling across the face in my back yard leaning against an oak tree. When I reported my find to Shad, he informed me that he had found a lenticular Jesus Christ in the front yard. I telephoned LA, who was truly shocked and insisted on examining the specimen when she stops over this afternoon. I will be subjecting her to a grueling cross-examination on the issue, as our NE neighbors are especially prone to shenanigans and frankly, their feigned innocence cannot totally be trusted.

Ugly Juice said...

More strange objects have been found throughout the day. Near a hosta in the front yard I found a miniature severed human head with missing teeth and an exposed brain. Upstairs by my sewing machine, I found two towels that are PERFECT for my towel purses. On the back of the toilet, I found a "fragrant" souvenir coin in a chinese-type box. Strangely, I did not notice the coin until after the Stwalls had come and gone. I wondered, actually, if you were the gifter of the towels?

I will be dropping two rhubarb stalks off at your house for planting. Please do not submit these as exhibits in your investigation. They're from Leigh Anne.

LA said...

Rhubarb from me, yes. The other stuff, not from me. Boo seems to be enjoying the santa tho, is it flavored?