Lately I'm thinking about babies. And other people having babies. And how much pain we felt with the miscarriages. ***And how far we've come since then.*** And how it's difficult to casually mention in some friendships how much healing has already come to us... That I'm not fragile. I'm more than OK... Even happy. And in an effort to be considerate and sensitive, so many kind people downplay their new pregnancy or pretend that babies are no big deal. ***They are a big deal.*** I don't want anyone to feel like they should suppress their happiness around me! When I see my friends and family and co-workers having babies and getting pregnant, it doesn't make me sad. It makes me happy for you! It lets me live vicariously through your life while we wait for our little one to come to us. I want to be involved! I want to sew little bibs and blankies for you. But I can't do that if you keep me at a safe distance, in order to protect my feelings. Just like you, I want to be sensitive and considerate and I don't want you to feel weird, so I dance around and try really hard to let you know that I'm OK, and I end up exhausted and looking very much like crazy. I can think of about 10 or so people that are going to think that I'm pointing directly at them with this entry. I'm not. But I am ready to move forward from this fragile, bruised, and sad role that sometimes people assume I must be feeling. I'm happy. I'm not afraid to talk about you, your baby, your pregnancy or your happiness. I love it!
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